Which is unrealistic because everyone makes mistakes. A perfectionist might think that if they aren't perfect, they aren't worthy. Because the goal of perfection all the time is highly unattainable, it may lead to feelings of sadness, guilt, and stress.1 This often prevents them from being able to learn and grow from mistakes because they are so focused on being the best on the first try.

We live in a society where failure is regarded as something that isn't supposed to happen; we often forget that failure is necessary for success.-Jim Harshaw²

We often see successful people in the news with stories of their success, but hardly anything about their previous failures. This can sometimes make us believe that we should be successful on our first try.

Living with these worldviews makes it stressful; and it doesn't help that we are constantly pressured by parents and teachers to get good grades and be successful in our extracurriculars.

If you think that you or a friend are having problems with perfectionism, you may recognize some of the following symptoms: Someone may exhibit these symptoms but not be struggling with perfectionism and others who are struggling may not show any of these symptoms.

• Always concerned about physical appearance
• Being overly organized
• Having trouble relaxing
• Having trouble working in areas that aren’t clean
• Procrastinating or being scared to start a project because it might not be executed “perfectly”
• Thinking that you aren’t good enough
• Having a black-and-white way of thinking (for example, my performance didn’t go perfectly, so it must have been awful.)

If multiple of these symptoms apply to you or a friend, you or they may be a perfectionist.

With perfectionism, success is temporary. Accomplishments become lost in a search for the bigger goal of being perfect. This can make perfectionists very stressed, which in turn releases a stress hormone called Cortisol.¹ Cortisol can increase risk for depression, mental illness and lower life expectancy.³ In addition, perfectionism can cause eating disorders. Perfectionists often feel that they have to be perfect in all aspects of their life.

Dealing with perfectionism can also make it really hard for people to interact with others. Perfectionists can be so nervous and anxious about how people perceive them that they can’t function properly.⁴

It can be really hard to get rid of a perfectionist mindset, especially because many perfectionists have flourished and achieved amazing things. It’s important to remember, though, that these accomplishments are not worth the long-term effects of being stressed, unhappy and unhealthy.

The best way to overcome this debilitating mindset is to ease yourself into the idea that failure is okay.5 Next time you get a grade you’re unhappy with or don’t get everything crossed off of your to do list, try this.. Tell yourself that you did your best, and that messing up is okay. Everybody messes up. If you are still struggling, talk to a friend or trusted adult. In general try to only use self talk that you would be comfortable using with a friend who experienced a failure.

If you have a friend who shows some of the symptoms above, they may be dealing with perfectionism.

It can be hard to talk to a friend about perfectionism. For guidance on having difficult conversations with friends, check out this page. If you are uncomfortable talking to them face to face, talk to an adult and let them know what’s going on.

Either way, it’s most important to make sure that your friend knows that you are there to support them, and that they are wanted. If you are comfortable, help them understand that failure is okay; and that even if they mess up, they are still loved.